Before we dive into today’s edition, I wanted to thank you for giving me your time. It’s incredible to know you are out there, taking the time to read this. I have been thinking about writing a book for years, and so this is me doing instead of thinking. One week at a time.
Ideas are cheap. Execution is expensive. The ability to execute separates people, not the ability to come up with ideas.
With that…letsgoooo.
So you often hear about the first two, not a lot about this one. When aiming for the big goals in life, I believe its resilience that gets you home. The other two may get you started, but it’s the keep-going-when-the-going-is-tough that makes the finishline.
When I was studying psychology post-grad, I was fascinated by the topic of resilience; I had this big plan to do my Masters on the topic until I got (more than once) that “regret to inform you” email.
Little did I know I would be doing a practical on the subject as I was figuring out my life as a newly graduated student. But that’s a story for another time.
Back to fortitude.
Big goals need lots of fuel to sustain you. It’s easy to start a race, a business, or a career change than to finish.
And modern society is not helping.
The world is more quick-fix-focused than ever – whatever you want to do, there is a quick-fix guide sold online to do it.
The problem with big goals is the emotions you encounter on the way, affecting your thoughts and actions and making you doubt, fret, complain, wobble, and want to quit.
But when you know how to go after goals, you can go after bigger goals and unlock more of what you want.
There is a lot of unhappiness in the world. And that same world would be better if more people had the skills to go after what they want.
So, this week, I want to help you with the principles to help you aim higher.
Back to hardiness.
According to positive psychology, resilience, or the ability to bounce back comprises a few elements, notably confidence and social support. Today, we look at the building blocks of confidence.
To get the confidence you need to go after the scary goals, you need:
- A positive mindset, which is made up of self-belief, self-talk, passion and purpose
- An attitude of acceptance, being flexible, in control of your emotions, fostered by controlled exposure.
- And perspective, the ability to visualise success, and a deep, goal-driven focus, which you get through positive habits and reframing.
So let’s break these down like a fraction.
1. Positive mindset
Having a positive outlook on life means you naturally see the glass as half full.
When you are on the start line of a daunting ultra, or about to go into a big meeting, it helps if you can nurture a sense of optimism about the outcome.
How you talk to yourself = crucial
Next time, listen to what you say to yourself. Becoming aware of any self-criticism is step one. Train yourself to turn each statement around – “What if I knocked it out of the park?”. Being grateful and mindful of your blessings helps you see the positive side of life. Make it a daily habit and see your mindset shift from scarcity to abundance.
Self-belief comes from past experiences
Navigating challenges gives you the references to reflect on and tell yourself you can do this too. Collect those, train the muscle, and your brain will be more open to the unknown. Self-belief means you are comfortable with who you are, making you more confident in looking for challenges that help you grow.
Passion and purpose go a long way
That sense of something bigger than you often fires you up to overcome the inevitable obstacles. Seek out goals that align with your values and your sense of contribution; making it about others often makes it easier to shift focus away from immediate discomfort to a bigger goal.
2. Attitude of acceptance
Accepting the situation, with its challenges, makes it much easier to figure out a way forward. If you are stuck on denial, complaining, or sense of humor failure, it acts like a sea anchor, fixating on the negative only makes it bigger, and heavier. Letting go means you can move.
Being flexible is key
The best in the world can adapt quickly. They don’t get stuck on the “why me” wail trail, and they get on with it. Being inflexible usually comes from fear and lack of preparation. Did you plan for all contingencies beforehand? It’s tough to do when you’re knee-deep in the mud, trudging uphill in the rain. Remind yourself that nothing lasts forever, and keep going.
Emotional control
The rollercoaster of emotions we go through on the way to the goal is often the trickiest thing. You laugh, you cry, you despair. It’s exhausting. If you can manage to take control of your emotions, the ride will be much smoother. Still bumpy, but a bit smoother.
Use a mindfulness practice to teach your brain to let emotions pass. Acknowledge feelings, look for reasons why and let it go.
Controlled exposure
Whether you are getting over your fear of public speaking, heights or clowns, the therapeutic technique of controlled exposure is well-documented as an effective remedy.
Your brain fears the unknown, catastrophising the outcome when faced with your fears. If you can gradually expose yourself, i.e. speaking in front of 2, 3, then 5 people, you will eventually reach a level of competence, feeding your self-belief and improving your output, which again boosts your confidence, etc.
Question: how can you gradually expose yourself to the challenge ahead?
3. Perspective: zoom out to get ahead
Zooming out can make your immediate problem seem more manageable.
Ask yourself:
- Will this matter in 5 years?
- How else can I see this?
- Have other people successfully done this?
Visualise success
See the outcome. Use your imagination to visualise what you want to happen in great detail:
- See the finish line, the boardroom, or the stage.
- Look at your life like on a giant movie screen.
- Make yourself the hero.
Focus on the goal
This goal is important, no? Then, focus all your attention on it. Remove all distractions. There’s a reason why Michael Phelps wore headphones up until he jumped in the pool to race. Your focus is a superpower. Develop your drive for the goal by becoming a bit obsessed about it. The more you “see” it, the more real it becomes. And your brain doesn’t know the difference between what you think and what happens. Goal-driven focus can get you to the finish line when you can withstand distractions.
Reframe the knocks
Big goals are challenging for a reason. They stretch us far beyond what we did before. The knocks will come, and curveballs will fly. Instead of reacting negatively, the best in the world analyse their mistakes. They learn and adapt to become better.
Teach yourself to see the positive side. You either win or you learn. A growth mindset will get you there. See yourself on the journey, improving every day.
Make it a habit
Once you get that perspective going, make it automatic. Positive habits get you to the goal. Not rah-rah motivation. That goes up and down. You want that slow-burning gas light that keeps on going, not the blazing fire that dies quickly. Look at your preparation and routines. How can you improve one thing today to get closer to the goal?
Journal prompts to try today:
- What types of events have been most stressful for me?
- How have those events typically affected me?
- How would those I look up to act in my stressful situation?
- To whom have I reached out for support in working through a stressful experience?
- What have I learned about myself during challenging times?
- Have I overcome obstacles, and if so, how?
- What has helped make me feel more hopeful about the future?
I say it often, but life is about looking back without regret. Taking the risk is the difficult path, but infinitely better than thinking “what if?”.
Resilience is a powerful tool to have in your backpack on the journey. If you enjoyed this walkthrough, and would like to know more, I am working on an email course that coaches you through the steps I outlined today.
One email a week, with questions, exercises and worksheet to equip you to aim high and get there. If you want to show up to your next challenge, whether an ultra trail race or a big board meeting with a Quiet Confidence, sign up for my SureFire email course. Reply “YES” to this to get on the waiting list.
Until next week.
Go create.
Cornelius
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