“Why should anyone bother to expand the ability to trust more deeply? Because when you trust wholeheartedly, it brings tremendous comfort and joy, even while you know it may not last forever.” – Cynthia Lynn Wall
Our emotions colour everything we do. They can also influence every action we take.
The mark of maturity is to be able to handle emotions. Being aware of it (emotional intelligence) and being able to handle it (emotional maturity). You can be emotionally mature once you have a higher level of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the skill to navigate emotion, while emotional maturity is the practical day-to-day use of this skill.
Do these immaturities sound familiar? It’s often easier to start to know something by seeing it in other people.
- Blaming others for your issues and feelings, flying off the handle
- Overreacting & being moody
- Avoiding conflict or tough conversations at home or work
And the opposite – you would agree this is what emotionally mature people do:
- Take responsibility for their actions
- Empathy – you can see the situation from the other person’s perspective
- Asking for help – being vulnerable is not weakness.
- You can tell someone you are grateful even when things are hectic – seeing the good in the tough situations – perspective
- Curious and open to learn
How you manage your emotions is directly related to what is happening in your life. Context matters. You know, when you are feeling a bit under the weather or tired, or going through a tough time at work, or moving house – your patience is thin, you can’t deal as well as you should, and things often boil over.
How good are you with constructive criticism?
Being emotionally mature means you are open to constructive criticism.
Easier said than done.
Being open to other people’s opinions takes confidence in yourself. It’s not that you invite people to attack you, it’s you seeing that there may be a better way to handle something. Realising you may not know everything.
The more you know about something, the more you realise you don’t know. This is true for many masters, whether in chess, cooking, music. The true master knows they are an eternal student.
10 journal prompts to help you develop your emotional maturity:
- Choose a challenging emotion you’ve experienced recently (e.g., anger, sadness, jealousy). Describe the situation that triggered it, the physical sensations you felt, and the thoughts that went through your mind.
- What Triggers You? What situations, people, or events tend to push your emotional buttons? Understanding your triggers can help you manage your reactions more effectively.
- What is one thing you’re grateful for today? Focusing on the positive can shift your emotional perspective and cultivate a sense of contentment. This only works if you do it consistently. The idea is to train your focus towards more positive things.
- What core values guide your life? How do these values influence your decisions and behaviours? Living true to your values can be very empowering. Reflect on times in the past when you could feel the positive energy of that alignment.
- Think of a recent disagreement or conflict. How did you add to the situation? What could you have done differently?
- Offer wisdom and encouragement to your younger self. What would you tell them about navigating emotions, building relationships, and overcoming challenges?
- Write about a future where you’ve achieved a personal goal or overcome a significant challenge. Reflect on the values that will get you there, or what needs to change to get you there.
- Describe a time when you were hard on yourself. How would you speak to a friend who was going through the same experience? Write a compassionate letter to yourself.
- What are your biggest fears or insecurities? How do these fears impact your thoughts and behaviours? We can only understand ourselves better and figure out how to change by confronting our fears.
- Identify one specific emotional goal for the next few months. (e.g., managing anger more effectively, practising empathy, building stronger relationships). How can you create a pathway of smaller goals to reach this milestone?
When we are emotional, we feel vulnerable. The modern world is harsh, and it’s easy to feel like you must always be on guard. Many perceived threats exist from people, institutions, governments, and social media.
But humans respond to the softness of other humans. Something as simple as a hug is extremely valuable; you bond with another person. But you can only hug someone if you open yourself up to it. Crossing your arms may shield you from danger, but it also shields you from connection. This takes courage. A boldness you need to get you closer to what you want.
“Courage is not the possession of the bravest or biggest but the choice to move toward the heart when the mind and body are separated by fear.” – K. J. Ramsey
Why Courage Can Lead to Happiness
Courage empowers us to face fears, be open in relationships and enjoy the messiness of personal growth.
By confronting our fears, we strip them of their power, building confidence and resilience. This, in turn, alleviates anxiety, stress, and regret.
If you can learn to be courageous in relationships, you increase the trust in the relationship. Courage fosters vulnerability and honesty, leading to meaningful connections.
If you have the guts to go for it, you get to pursue your dreams. Each risk we take brings a sense of accomplishment that enriches our well-being.
Ultimately it takes courage to live closer to your true self, than the world allows.
How can you build this courage every day?
Find opportunities to speak up. Express yourself respectfully. Don’t go looking for a fight.
Courage isn’t the same as recklessness; it is about taking calculated risks that align with our values and goals. what areas of your life have you been playing it safe? Do you have a goal in the back of your mind that keeps whispering in your ear?
Encourage others, so you can have more courage for yourself. Who can you reach out to today that may need a positive word? Talking about courage with others can make you more courageous yourself.
Courage isn’t just about facing difficulties; it is also about embracing life’s opportunities with enthusiasm. Living true to yourself is the only way to live. Living according to other’s expectations and rules is not true to you. Being open to new things, but also brave enough to stand for something is a great way to build up your courage.
Society wants you to fit in. If you can play by the rules, we can get along just fine. But the bigger things in life comes not from following the crowd. It comes from within you.
You have something to share with the rest of us. You have a unique perspective, talent, and story to tell. If you bury it under other people’s thoughts, you will feel the negative effects of denying your creative potential.
“Doing the right thing almost always takes courage, just as discipline is impossible without the wisdom to know what is worth choosing.” – Ryan Holiday
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